You find the perfect person, you fall in love. A year of dating more or less (because you feel that's adequate to "get to know" the person), and then you get married.
Typical love story for Muslims living in the united states. Don't deny it, you know it happens, we just cover up the minor details of the dating business and what not :)
Anyways, so now its time to get married. Hopefully when both the bride and groom are Muslims the nikah is performed. I say hopefully because these days I'm seeing marriages between sikhs, hindus, Muslims you name it and it's happening. Nikah is usually done at the mosque or at times at home with families involved. Some mosques have registered themselves therefore the nikah papers serve as the court certified marriage papers as well.
Under other circumstances, the nikah is done and then the bride and groom go to the court house to have a court marriage done. This is done because under the laws of the land it's required to validate the marriage.
So far so good.
Now let's say down the road the couples seem to incur differences that are simply not reconcilable. That leads to divorce. These days the percentage of divorces in Muslims marriages is really close to 50%. Why is that?
Simple reason, because the American laws have made divorce the easier path to take. Look at the people who went through divorce in the states. Almost always the divorce is filed by the girl and not the guy. Because the girl wants out. Fine, that's her choice. But while the marriage was performed according to Islamic law, Nikah, the divorce always ends up through American law and not Islamic law. Reason is simple. The Islamic law doesn't give the girl the division of property and the rights that American laws do. In shariah (Islamic law) the Mahar is set and so are the monetary conditions that the girl should receive if she wants to end the marriage. American law however grants the girl 50% share of all assets, money, child custody, the freedom of living in the house once owned by both partners, living the liberal lifestyle that caused the divorce to begin with ( in some cases) and so forth.
The point being made is that American law, at times, has made it easier for the girl to get a divorce and live a better life than staying married.
I say by all means exercise the American laws since we live here, however that should not be the case only at the point of divorce. The marriage should take place accordingly as well. by that I mean, that when the nikah is done, part of the nikah should be a prenuptial agreement that get signed before the court marriage takes place. After all that's really the American way to get married. Pre nups look at the interest of both parties if they end up in divorce later. As Muslims, majority of the times the girl and her family will frown upon even the talks of pre-nups and claim that their families would never consider things going as far as divorces and divorce courts. Well, that's OK. If that's the case there should be no harm signing prenups. :)
So guys and girls both, do yourselves a huge favor. Either get married the Islamic way and just have nikah without any court marriages. If however any party insists that court marriage takes place, then before you do so, have a prenuptial agreement signed. Hire an attorney for a nominal fee and go through the proper course of action to ensure that in case of divorce, your legal rights according to American laws are intact.
Happy marriages ! :)
